When my ex-husband and I broke the news to my mother that we were getting a divorce she had two words of advice:
My mother worked as a court reporter for 30 years in New York State Supreme Court and worked on hundreds of matrimonial cases. She had become disillusioned over the years from seeing so many situations that were only made worse by lawyers.
My mother’s concerns were that:
My ex and I took my mother’s advice. Not knowing what to expect, we found our first few sessions to be a bit challenging as we each laid out our interests, and tried to look past our positions. It wasn’t easy at first, but over the course of a few meetings we came to see that we agreed much more than we realized.
We made our consensus official by drafting an appropriate, personalized agreement that would leave us on solid financial footing in post-divorce life. I consider the work we did in mediation to be a success; we’ve never had to go to court for a post-divorce modification. It’s easy to stick to an agreement you made yourself! Frankly, I was very proud of how we handled our divorce.
“You guys get along so well. How can you afford two houses? How are you able to spend time together with your son? How do you do it?!”
After my divorce finalized I became the go-to person whenever somebody was considering a divorce.
My answer was always: “It’s because we mediated our divorce.”
I was glad to be a sort of inspiration to people who are going through divorce. It is true that my ex and I are genuine friends, spend time with our children together and do holidays together – but these things are not unusual for couples who go the mediation route. That’s because in mediation, there is no loser.
As a financial advisor I was at the top of my game when it dawned on me: Why not merge the two biggest themes in my life? A positive divorce and responsible financial planning.
I found my answer by becoming a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) and training to be a mediator. Unlike many mediators who come into the field as lawyers, my background in matters of finance gives me a different style of mediating, one with more practical solutions to financial or family problems.
I am passionate about helping couples come to the best agreement possible so that they and their children can live great lives post-divorce.
If you have questions about the mediation process, call me today!
Michele M. Martin Divorce Mediator
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CFDATM)